sigh .. actually, in matter of fact, i do not know how to communicate with people . tat's why, i took time to think of what to reply after people talking to me i scared my words would hurt some people's feelings or make things more awkward . i'll get excited/happy for a second . but when i want to tell anyone wad is the reason behind it, im at loss of words .
same goes to angry/sad . tat's why i shiver with fear when i was trying to express my anger on something . yeah, i know . it's kind of retard . but truth is, tat's wad i feel . people would say, " aiya, it's normal delah " well, do you know this kind of feeling ? it's like , a kid trying to express he/her feeling for his/her drawing to an adult, adult normally say " wow, tat's good " they didnt even bother to ask what does it represent ? and then they just walked away . cycle goes on . tat kid, will be depressed if adults keep on ignoring him/her .
and if i managed to find suitable words to describe, people just nodded their head . and they say " orh , orh " " i know, i know " is like giving me some kind of sarcastic reply ya, you people must be thinking, den wad shld i reply then ? how should i know ? probably faster change subject ? ya, probably .
so, what's the use of expressing my feelings to others ? having people to have a chance of ignore my feelings ? well, tat's cool . really cool . im cool with it . sit around, listen people to crap ? i also want tat . i yearn to be center of attraction . why cant i ? i want people to laugh at my joke .
its just tat, im feeling horrible when i trying to start a conversation with somebody/everyone .
